Sunday, December 29, 2013

How to be a Procrastinator


2) Tear that piece of paper out of that boring ass ringed notebook. You NEED to put this down in a beautiful diary. Hardback journal, definitely. You naively think that this may increase the odds of you actually following your lists.

3) Sift through your bookshelf full of hardback journals. Decide against the ones with the inspirational quotes, gorgeous photos of flowers or some sort of scenic paradise like a beach on the cover. Decide that none of them are perfect enough.

4) Get in your car, study that “Empty” light on your dash and try to evaluate whether there’s enough gas to get you to the store and back as well as to work in the morning. You go against your better instincts and decide that you’ve got enough.

5) Go to the mall. Scour all the stores, looking for THE PERFECT JOURNAL to start YOUR PERFECT JOURNAL to organize your life.

6) Walk out a few hours later with bags full of stuff you didn’t even realize that you needed - which you actually DON’T and never will.

7) You run out of gas. Shit. Look in your wallet that is now empty of bills but full of coins. Pound your fist on your steering wheel and yell out an expletive of your choice. Repeat.

8) Pull out your cellphone with the nearly empty battery and call someone to come help your ass out.

9) Decide that starting a new journal on whatever day this happened to be isn’t the right time.

10) Once you’re home, pick that boring ringed notebook back up and start your list again.
      1)Buy a journal.